on choosing work.

'Finding your calling', or 'passion' - these have been bandied around too much these few days. Definitely overrated.

I think it oversimplifies the stressors of life, romanticizes the idea of work.....for many of us (yes, even in my comparatively-privileged circles) work is a necessity to pay the bills.

So when my program director asked if i 'still had the passion' for the field, and 'what my calling was', I didn't know how to respond. Not because I was stumped (well honestly I still don't know the answer), but I wanted to yell that life's not as simple as that.


At the very basic level, I think work needs to fulfill its function:
- pay the bills.

Then because I'm looking for more out of work, I also wish that it:
- is something that I'm good at
- is something that i'm appreciated for
- is something that benefits others (note: this should not restrict one to ideas of 'service' or traditionally 'altruistic' jobs. A baker can well benefit others by making wonderful cakes. )

And because an unhappy person is unlikely to produce good work, it should also:
- not be detrimental to my wellbeing.


That's it. Simple theory. Perhaps a tad idealistic. I know there are many who don't *love* doing administration or crunching numbers, and they don't feel that staring at spreadsheets benefits people.....but I do hope that I can fulfill those criteria and find a satisfying job.

Yes, i'm aware of the fact that I've been blessed with many options and the chance to choose.



As for the so you lost the passion for this field? question that keeps getting put to me,
I struggle to explain. Because passion ain't everything. The more enlightened people who aren't in the intoxicating puppy-love stage will know: love ain't everything.

An analogy would be such:

You meet a girl, she's pleasant and you feel that hey, this may lead to something. So you give it a try and see where it goes. You aren't playing with her feelings or anything, but I don't think that anyone would fault you from hesitating to say that 'ohmygawd this is the love of my life and I know it in my bones that she's the perfect match for me!!'.

So you give it three years. Through this time, you realize that although you guys hit it off really well in the first few months....she actually has an idea of what she wants you to be. Specifically, some kinda pro dancer guy. With all the cool moves. Actually she's had a history of going out with dancer types, and it kinda disturbs her that you're a tad different.

And you don't dance, but you try. You can learn a few moves, ain't the worst dancer around, but it's like a kind of expectation that you've to struggle to meet to keep her happy. Well you get along okay for the first year or two, but it's quite tiring to keep trying to live up to her expectations and show her that you can be the guy she wants you to be.

What you're really good at, is music. And singing. And drawing. In fact you're pretty great at all these, and your previous girlfriend actually loved you for exactly that. (but at that time she wanted you to dedicate your life to that industry - and you weren't quite prepared to, so you broke it off).
The current girl, however, doesn't quite care about what you're good at - in fact she views your propensity for those arty-farty stuff as a tad effeminate.

Oh, and your current girl has set some goals for you. To perform in dance competitions every year. You aren't quite on track - missed a competition or two - but you're going for dance classes and generally a good student. You defo feel judged though, looking at how all the other boys she dated were generally outstanding in that field. She doesn't quite care that it's not really who you are.

What should you do?


So here's what I think:
You need to choose your suffering. In other words, choose what you want to suffer for.

Is the current girl worth you trying constantly - perhaps for a lifetime - to work hard to live up to her standards? Are you content in the knowledge that you may not be 'good enough' in her eyes?
Are you prepared to forego your own likes, dislikes, and what you're really better at - to become something she wants you to be, and for what you feel is a possible future together with her?

Your ex also kinda hinted that she's willing to consider getting back together. But the old problem that caused the breakup still exists - you'll have to dedicate your life to that industry that she knows you're good at. At the moment though, you know that work ain't your whole life, and there's more that defines you than just doing the things you're good at for work.

Coz you also enjoy reading good books, lazing on the sofa with a dog or two (shoutout to Liz here), and generally having fun and a holistic life that's outside that little couple-world.